The Uses of Bleach

So Kate and I went to a local well known buffet restaurant, lets call it Yellow Fence, and multiple shenanigans ensued. First of all I had the bright idea that instead of just getting my nails painted like normal on my aunt and my girl's night out I would get my eyebrows waxed. Bad move. I ended up with a bit of an eyebrow shadow really. Kate says I look a little like I'm shocked or inquisitive all the time.

I have been slowly trying to find ways to disguise the fact that I only have three eyebrow hairs on my entire face.

Drawn on just never looks right.

Covering them with hair makes me look like a bit of a Chewbacca.

A head band makes me look like a ninja or a really boring hippie.

Well to cheer myself up I decided that Kate and I would go to the yummy Yellow Fence. The thing we didn't realize was that it was Mother's Day. Apparently every mother in the entire state of Arkansas only wanted to eat at Yellow Fence for their gift. As Kate and I drove up we noticed the grass field that is normally filled with bunnies, slumbering homeless men, and probably an old roll smuggled out of yellow fence, was now filled with cars. Row upon row of cars.

I'm fairly proud of my hobo and I'm sorry the bunny looks like it's trying to poop.
Also the yellowish thing in the corner is a roll not a rock.
As a side note I'm fairly certain I intended my hobo to be seductive.

Yes that is a school bus.

Me and my three eyebrow hairs would not be deterred. I found and fought for our parking spot and off we went into the yummy restaurant. Once inside we realized this was one of those nights where you may only eat if you are not afraid of judo chopping an old lady in the throat. And I wasn't. Me and my three eyebrow hairs had a lot of pent up frustration that could only be released through the glory of a well placed judo chop.

Why yes, those are nice man hands aren't they?

Once seated kate and I put our receipt on the table like responsible people to hold our table and off we went, a flurry of judo chops and arm bars all in the name of really good rolls and mashed potatoes. We finished off two plates (cuz we're emotional eaters and I only had three eyebrows) with little cause for alarm. I had an old lady steal a roll off my plate but I fixed her get-a-long and reclaimed my wrongfully snatched roll with glee.
The true problems came about when we went questing for delicious desert. Kate got some lumpy pudding thing and I came back with a mound of cherry cobbler to try and ease the pain only we came back to a old couple happily munching on rolls in our table.
My eyebrows finally had the proper setting for the emotion the conveyed.

It's really the only expression that one can have while an old couple eat their tasty rolls. 

I can not express the confusion I felt in words so I will show you in the size of this question mark
large very large question mark with miniscule person for scale.
As kate and I saw it we only really had three options
mark our territory like I've seen my puppy do

Lots of tea will do that to you. Yup, that was a pee joke. You're welcome. 

Stand and eat while creepily staring at the old couple

Why yes that is ex-ray vision too.

or rub our crotch on the table thereby claiming it as ours for ever and for always.

For those of you not familiar with the last option it was a discovery we made freshman year of college. No matter what the object is if you rub your crotch on it it is now yours. No one wants it back. It's far more effective than licking it. Go home and try it. Rub your crotch on your roommate's pillow. You now have a new pillow. Want that last cookie? make it a crotch cookie and it's yours! This only works if they see you do it. If they don't see you rub your crotch on the object is is merely funny when you see them spit it out or try and wash the shame off of them after you've told them.
I learned one thing that fateful night at the Yellow Fence. Bleach can even get crotch off. Pun intended.